Welcome to Glorious Noise
Welcome to Glorious Noise. Coming soon: lots of opinionated essays and stories about how rock and roll can change your life......
Est. 2001
Rock and roll can change your life.
Glorious Noise February 2001Let's Get Ready to RumbleHey all, let's get ready to rumble. Jake and I are taking our email argument about Britney Spears online. Be ready to argue about rock and roll, country, hip hop, pop and straight up poop. Let's get it on! Phil... The OsmondsDid anyone else catch the Osmonds' special on ABC last night? It was so amazingly pandering I couldn't believe it. Here's a sample of the dialogue: After being told of a death threat against the Donny-led Osmonds, an FBI agent... National TreasureI was watching the E! True Hollywood Story about John Holmes. Now, THERE'S a national treasure. Uglier than the Nuge, skinnier than Johnny Winter, and—well, let's just say that he gives a whole new meaning to the term "third leg"...... Advertisement
Britney. What are we going to do with you?Sure, you wore sweat sock wrist bands at the Super Bowl, accessorizing wonderfully with football pants and —shocker!— a tight halter top. Your blonde mane undulated as you tough-talked your way across the stage, doing the tube sock boogie with... Karl's KornerAnyone who loves Weezer should check out Karl's Korner. Karl is the "fifth Weezer" and updates his site almost every night with tons of details about the process of recording and mixing the upcoming Weezer album. There are mp3s to... The Cosmic American PhilosophyI bought the Flying Burrito Brothers anthology yesterday. What I am going to say now may shock you, but I think that Gram Parsons is *at least* as amazing as Neil Young. Right now, I would rather listen to Gram... More CosmicAh yes, the soft, warm flow of GP slipping into your brain and numbing your "bad thoughts." I know that feeling. I listened to the double CD of GP and Grevious Angel for months on end when I first bought... Jennifer Lopez Tops the ChartsInternationally-renowned "singer" and "actress" Jennifer Lopez recently topped the charts in both music and film, her chosen artforms. After knocking a little known English quartet called The Beatles from their perch at number one, Lopez was quoted as saying "I... The Value of Britney SpearsI'm a little embarrassed to be spending more time on this, but my man Phil and I were recently harassing each other over our difference of opinion on the value of Britney Spears. Our email discussion went like this: >... A Fan of Goatee'd Svengalies Transliterating Swedish Pop into EnglishWell, it looks like I'm in the Jake camp on this one. Given my 02/06/01 comments about Britney and her tube sock wristbands, I can only be called what I am: A fan. Fan of what? Goatee'd svengalies transliterating Swedish... The Credibility of Britney SpearsGoodnight, Irene. I can't believe you guys. Do you think this will all seem rediculous in five years? Or will this be where the credibility of Britney Spears will be hammered out? I am as big a fan of pop... Hot Burritos!Now, thanks to Jeff, I have just invested twenty five hard earned dollars in "Hot Burritos!: The Flying Burrito Bros. Anthology 1969-1972." Anyone who has not heard this music should set aside a weekend and take it in. Forty three... Britney vs. MadonnaIf Britney manages to have as long and successful of a career as Madonna, I will renounce Ms. Ciccone as my Supreme Woman and no longer think about her when I masturbate. Yeah, that would be harder than quitting smoking... At the Drive-In vs. OasisJeff, you should check out At the Drive-In. They are a wild bunch from Texas that kick it out Detroit-style. They have a real MC5 attitude and great hair. I don't know what the Gallaghers are up to these days... Slurping blow off of prostitutes' titsWhen Liam and Noel aren't busy slurping really good blow off of prostitutes' tits, they're leading on the British press about whether or not Oasis has broken up. Last year's 'Standing on the Shoulder of Giants' was a nice, fuzzed... Kiss touring without Peter CrissSo Kiss is touring without Peter Criss (update: new link), and the new drummer is going to be wearing the makeup and costume of "the Cat." Why should I care? Why does this seem so blasphemous to me? Peter Criss... Pedal Steel Transmission at SchubasIn 1996, I stood in the front row of Detroit's St Andrews Hall and watched Polvo unleash hell. The North Carolina quartet was at the height of its considerable indie-rock power, and proved it with a blistering reset of Gary... Put the Needle on the RecordWhat is it about other people's record collections that cause one to be so covetous? I take a look at my homies' vinyl and think, "Damn, Oak Ridge Boys. Cool." Shit, I've got every single Bruce Springsteen album from the... Napster R.I.P.Napster is soon to be made irrelevant, forced to give up the things that made it great. Specifically, its price (free) and its user base (lots and lots). This makes me sad. Not for the usual reasons of being cheap... NEVER SAY GOODBYENew Jersey rockers/fossils Bon Jovi have announced plans for a summer tour in support of their newest album, Crush (Island). Don't doubt it: their jaunt across America will be a success. After 35 weeks on the Billboard Hot 200, Crush... Guestbook and Bulletin BoardWe recently added a guestbook and a bulletin board to encourage reader feedback. Let us know what you think. [Update: These have been replaced by our current message boards - ed.]... There used to be a wonder in your eyesThere used to be a wonder in your eyes You used to laugh a hundred times a night So long since you really seemed alive We miss you We mean it —"Harvesting" The Sinatras have been legends of the Kalamazoo... MinipopsHey guys, not to bring down the level of discourse on the site, but I'm here at Flash Forward 2001 San Francisco and there was a site that I figured I should forward on to you guys. Flip Flop Flyin'... Coming soon: Lester BangsMy man Jeff recently entrusted me with a stack of old Rolling Stone magazines from 1969 to 1977. Most of these contain otherwise unpublished reviews by the likes of Lester Bangs, Greil Marcus, Richard Meltzer, and Peter Guralnick. FYI, none... LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE HIGH-PITCHEDOn Monday night in Chicago, Coldplay's Chris Martin proved that you don't have to sound like a bear to tear the roof off the sucker. It's appropriate that Coldplay's energy runs through the conduit of Chris Martin. His pale, frail... Lester Bangs' Cat MotherAs I mentioned yesterday, here is the first in a series of otherwise unpublished reviews by Lester Bangs. This one is from the August 9, 1969 issue of Rolling Stone, the one with Brian Jones (who just died) on the... Dale Earnhardt vs. Eazy-EMy response to Hunter S. Thompson's column on Dale Earnhardt... Dale Earnhardt's death has really bothered me a lot. It has affected me personally in a way that seems at first rather trite, but the more I think about it,... Lester Bangs on Chuck BerryHere is the latest installment in the series of reviews by Lester Bangs that have remained unpublished since their original magazine appearance. This one is also from the August 9, 1969 issue of Rolling Stone. This time it's a Chuck... AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A G THING, BABYTragically, the Grammy viewing audience found itself asking all night, "Where's Soy Bomb?" The utter lack of anything more controversial than another plunging neckline made even host Jon Stewart's bits about a gay Eminem seem watered-down. The cavernous Staples Center... Elton John vs. EminemJolie was hoping that Elton John and Eminem would do "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." God, I wish! Check out what Phil's roommate Moby had to say. Interesting point about extending boundaries, no?... Come on, Steely Dan?The following comments re: The Grammys are from ML (extracted from an email to Johnny): I mean come on, Steely Dan? Are you kidding me? Just because people were overlooked when their music was contemporary (meaning in the category of... You think I give a damn about a Grammy?So it appears that I have missed the Grammys again. Not to get all Woody Allen or anything, but I'm going on a pretty long streak here. Like, I think the last time I tuned in, George Michael was getting... Pussy Does Rule - Stroker AceStroker Ace, opening for Ko and the Midnight Intruders The Gold Dollar Feb. 22, 2001 Is there anything better than going out to see a great garage band and getting all fucked up on a Thursday night? Well, yeah, there... Radiohead vs. Steely DanWhy you gotta do the Dan like that, guys? Arguably the best drug rock band of the 70s (other than Camel, right Phil?), with a sound that is always amazingly contemporary, even now. As we all know, Mary Jane never... The GO on the RadioIt's Friday, and I'm in love. The tightness around my eyes reminds me of last night's Bud, but with The GO on the radio? Hey man, it's right on. Detroit rock and roll water babies, musical greenhorns, touring tenderfoots? Whatever.... Lester Bangs on ZawinulAnd here is one more review by Lester Bangs. This one is a double review of a couple jazz albums. It originally appeared in the August 5, 1971 issue of Rolling $tone, and hasn't been published since...... The importance of being earnest: SanoponicThe importance of being earnest: Sanoponic at the Beat Kitchen 02/24/01 Why do we hate bands that take themselves too seriously? We appreciate real conviction and dedication to art, yet we are thoroughly irritated by pretense. Sanoponic is pretentious and... THE DRUGS DON'T WORK (Anymore...)Recently on GloNo, the point was made that Steely Dan was arguably the best Drug Rock band of the 70s. While I won't dispute the point, it raised another question in my mind: what happened to Drug Rock? What a... When the fat guy plays the didgeridooFor me, the phrase "when the fat lady sings" does not signify anymore. For me, the universal sign that it's over is now "when the fat guy plays the didgeridoo." This implies no slight to the aboriginal wind instrument, elegant... NWA vs. PlayboyI found a very cool, long article on NWA. Check it out. It was commissioned by Playboy in 1991 but never published. Remember the state of hip hop — and specifically the NWA offshoots — in 1991? Ten year ago,... |
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