How Lo Will We Go?

One of the great unanswered questions of the late 20th century is not how Tom Hanks went from Bosom Buddies to intergalactic stardom, but how Dan Ackroyd managed to marry one of the other stars of Bosom Buddies, the blond, lissome Donna Dixon. Ackroyd, among the cast members of the original Saturday Night Live, is the man who brought the plumber's butt crack onto American television during his run on the show. The plumber's butt crack phenomenon is where physics meets physiology, with a portion of the trousers staying stable and another portion being inordinately affected by gravity.

Since those early days, time has marched on with its punctuated equilibrium such that when we see the plumber's butt crack on TV, it is no longer an Ackroyd, but someone like Jennifer Lopez on a music awards show. J. Lo, of course, is a woman about whom one can remark "Baby's got back!" either in the context of its shapeliness or its Rubenesque abundance.

The May issue of Allure, the one with Christina Aguilera on the cover ("Christiana Aguilera Comes Clean"), there is an item showing Ms. Lopez with a full-plumber working.* The item includes the following:

"The top of the fanny can become red, dry, and ashy after winter," says Nance Mitchell, who waxes Reese Witherspoon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Christina Aguilera [note: her again—her time must be now, or at least the May issue] in her eponymous L.A. salon.

Imagine. Fortunately, there are treatments, including Kiss My Butt, Sweet Cheeks, and Ms. Mitchell's own Derriere Décolleté.

Thank goodness that free enterprise is there working for us. Red, dry and ashy! Ouch.

*GloNo knows no limits when it comes to ferreting out pop culture-related items, even if we have to look at magazines that declare, "Win a trip, a makeover, and major beauty booty." We're there.