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My Issues With KISS

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 2:11 am
by worpswede
I'll make some enemies by saying that I hate Kiss. Don't worry, I'm secure enough to declare it and explain why. I own only one Kiss album, and it's not even a real Kiss album; it's the Gene Simmons solo effort and it's a worthless piece of shit. Now before you suggest that I run out and buy "Destroyer" or any other late 70's "classic" I will politely decline. I've heard them all, including the entire "Music From 'The Elder'" release. I've even seen the live Kiss experience (full makeup) and enjoyed myself. It was as funny as hell, and I'm sure that's not what they intended. I’ve wasted over thirty years trying to give these guys a chance and I will not devote any more examination of their material. So don't try and change my mind, just post your own issues regarding Kiss or examples of their betardedness.
1.) The Elder-A movie soundtrack without a movie. A concept album without a concept. The "image changing" release that caused Ace to flee, Bob Ezrin to snort vast amounts of cocaine, and Paul Stanley to think that wearing a purple bandana was a good thing. Lou Reed helped write this poopstain, which was even a step down from his own full-on skid mark called "Mistrial."
2.) Four words: Gene Simmons bass solo.
3.) Four more words: co-written by Michael Bolton ("Forever")
4.) The chorus from the Gene Simmons song "Burn Bitch Burn" ("burn bitch burn/oooooh")
5.) The Kiss Coffin. Perfect for housing a corpse or keeping your Coors light cold.
I could go on, but I'm anxious to read other examples from GloNo posters...

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 2:23 am
by Heitzie
I never really got into them. I do think they have some good songs here and there but I must not even really like those because I can't be bothered to download them. (Lick it up, Heaven's on fire, Detroit rock city) When I was 15 and trying to be a real metalhead I bought "Destroyer" on cassette and was surprised by how "wimpy" it was compared to Priest, Sabbath, Metallica, etc etc. (This was 1989-1990). I knew "Beth" was a ballad but the band was fairly mellow for dressing like demons, spitting blood and supposedly meaning Knights In Satan's Service. So I went with King Diamond after that. (A year or two later I was more into Morrissey and the Pixies).

I think their appeal is tied to people who love seeing a big show and like the merchandise/fan club thing, if you are a kid honestly and if you are older maybe ironically. Maybe it also helped them that they came out in America when "easy listening" and "prog rock" were big, and people just wanted party music. My dad had "Rock and Roll Over" on 8 track but listened to Zeppelin, Thin Lizzy, Foghat and even head East a lot more, and i think I can tell why.

The KISS army is large though, and included Kurt Cobain and Garth Brooks on a tribute album years back. But if I'm "In a Metal Mod" (to paraphrase Pat Boone) I'll stick with vintage Sabbath or Priest now.

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 6:33 am
by jaimoe0
In 6th grade I fell for the whole KISS thing, hook, line and axe-shaped bass. I was so very young. One of the main attractions at the time was that my parents hated it... the my Mom heard "Beth" and thought it was pretty good. That was probably the beginning of the end.

When I got into KISS, I was mostly listening to the Beatles and the Beach Boys, and, let's face it, I should be embarassed for even mentioning those three bands in the same sentence. But KISS seemed like it belonged more to me. My parents really like some Beatles and Beach Boys, and that just wouldn't do. The Beatles hadn't been a band since I was 4, and the Beach Boys would have been better off not being a band at that point. "God of Thunder" and "Christine Sixteen" were a whole other thing. It was mine, not my parents', and that was really important.

With time and perspective, I'd have to say KISS is a pretty mixed bag. They've got a bunch of great songs, but they are basically pretty silly, frequently very bad, and lately - worthless!

The best thing KISS gave the world? The inspiration for the Frontier Fucking Wives to write the song "Ace Frehley." "Smokin' guitars and cadillac cars/ Ace Frehley put your big shoes on."

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 8:42 am
by Jake
I loved KISS as a kid. I was Peter Criss for Halloween one year. If you don't think they realize they're funny, you're underestimating them. Need evidence? Watch the movie Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. Why don't we Americans understand the concept of camp?

That said, I never ever listen to them. "Detroit Rock City" is a great, great song though. Undeniably great.

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 9:37 am
by Sugarcubes Forever
Jake wrote:I loved KISS as a kid. I was Peter Criss for Halloween one year. If you don't think they realize they're funny, you're underestimating them. Need evidence? Watch the movie Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. Why don't we Americans understand the concept of camp?

That said, I never ever listen to them. "Detroit Rock City" is a great, great song though. Undeniably great.


In the 3rd grade I was Gene Simmons for halloween.

How crazy is it that you could buy your little kid Kiss costumes in the 70s?

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 9:48 am
by Jake
Sugarcubes Forever wrote:How crazy is it that you could buy your little kid Kiss costumes in the 70s?

Here you go: your costume went for $100 on ebay last week. Don't you wish you would've held onto it? I know I wore out my Peter Criss mask! Wore that thing everyday for a year, I think. My cousin Mike was Gene Simmons. We'd put on our masks and vandalize his neighborhood.

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:28 am
by Barabajagal
I'm with you, worpswede. Lame-os.

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:53 am
by explosionsinthesky
My issue w/ KISS:

they suck

though I was found cavorting in a pair of KISS pj's when I was about 3 or 4 yrs old. But that was just for style...what 4 year old wouldn't feel like a badass wearing KISS pajamas, even if the band is shit?

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 12:15 pm
by blackshoestring
It's all in the tense.
Kiss IS completely lame now.
Kiss WAS pretty cool before the solo albums. Taking off the make-up was a jaw-dropping blunder. And now that Gene confirmed what a total knob he is on NPR a few years ago, I have a hard time even listening to "She"

They could join the "would-have-been-untouchable-if-lost-in-the-Bermuda-Triangle-years-ago" category, along with Eddie Van Halen and Grace Slick.

And if you were in my room and we were going to have a liaison, and you were high, you'd be out on your butt before you could spell your last name. Because if you don't want to experience me with all the senses God gave you, you don't deserve to be with me.

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 12:34 pm
by DJMurphy
Y'know, I think that at the end of the day, Kiss is harmless. Intermittently entertaining, and great showmen a la P.T. Barnum when they set their minds to it. I have only purchased the Double Platinum CD, which is all most folks really need, if they're so inclined. I don't think they're worthy of flat-out hatred. Sure, Gene Simmons is a pig. With women throwing themselves at him during their heyday, it's to be expected that those with a willing conscience will develop sexist delusions of grandeur. He's got the last laugh, though; his life mate is none other than Shannon Tweed.

I think they are what they are: calorie-free entertainment with built-in nostalgia. And a merchandising arm on steroids!!!!