GLONO HQ

This is the place where you can vent whatever's on your mind. Feel free to go off on extended rants or brief blurbs about whatever's rocking your world.

Moderators: D. Phillips, Jake

quasarwutwut
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GLONO HQ

Post by quasarwutwut »

From time to time Jake and Derek refer to the work they do in the "GLONO HQ". Well, I've known both of them for more years than a beetle has wings, and I've never seen this "HQ". Nobody I know has ever been there, save for Derek and Jake, and they sure as hell aren't talking.

My curiosity finally got the better of me and I began a clandestine operation to uncover the truth about this. I haven't exhausted all possibilities yet, but after extensive research I have narrowed it down to three probable choices.

Evidence points to GLONO HQ being either this:
Image

this:
Image

or this:
Image


If anyone has any suggestions or further leads I am willing to pay a handsome sum. Together we can uncover this mystery. Thank you.

Jake
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Post by Jake »

DON'T YOU FOOLS REALIZE THAT IF YOU OUT OUR TOP-SECRET LOCATION THAT WE'LL SURELY BE MOBBED AND KILLED BY A LEGION OF ANGRY PUBLICISTS AND DISGRUNTLED MUSICIANS WHOSE PROMO CDS WE'VE USED TO SHINGLE THE ROOF?

And that's not even to mention Ryan Adams. Or Moldy Peaches fans...

quasarwutwut
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Post by quasarwutwut »

Jake wrote:DON'T YOU FOOLS REALIZE THAT IF YOU OUT OUR TOP-SECRET LOCATION THAT WE'LL SURELY BE MOBBED AND KILLED BY A LEGION OF ANGRY PUBLICISTS AND DISGRUNTLED MUSICIANS WHOSE PROMO CDS WE'VE USED TO SHINGLE THE ROOF?
Ah Hah! "ROOF"! Well, that rules out #2. Dammit, and I was so sure that sidecar had been custom designed for Derek's (super hot) body. Oh well, that puts me This much closer to the Truth. The Truth!!!

BloodshotBaby
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Post by BloodshotBaby »

Don't worry, I'll take the night shift for when Ryan Adams comes a-creepin.

I'm sure I can find a way to pacify his anger/angst towards you guys.


That's what interns are for after all.

Joshua
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Post by Joshua »

Musta Photoshopped Cheney out of those pics for security reasons. Good call.

DJMurphy
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Post by DJMurphy »

Y'see, I have this image in my head that at the GloNo HQ, there's hardwood floors, a lava light in each room, a circa-'70s screening room where only the coolest of the cool get invited over to watch Rust Never Sleeps, I Am Trying To Break Your Heart, Year Of The Horse and the Tom Waits Big Time movie on a big screen, ashtrays in each room, stereos in each room, there's an annual Zaireeka listening party, and in the president's office hangs a giant poster of Jake Brown with a halo above his head.

Oh, and don't forget the framed platinum RIAA awards for Taro Sound and Capital, with a diamond award for At The End Of The American Century which festoon the walls.

Mixmaster Shecky
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Post by Mixmaster Shecky »

Image

As you can see, GloNo's modular, space-age HQ is divided into wings devoted to the website, GloNo Records, and the little-known international rescue operation (GloNo 1 lifts off through a concealed launch tube under the large fake rock).

In the window, we can just see the reclusive Jake Brown in one of his many Musketeer-vampire costumes.

Of course the infamous tiki bar/Satanic church (where Fortune & Maltese are the house band) can just be seen in the background.

(Not pictured - the derelict carnival rides D. Phillips buys then never fixes. Also, the many prostitutes.)

stickman45
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Post by stickman45 »

[quote="DJMurphy"]Y'see, I have this image in my head that at the GloNo HQ, there's hardwood floors, a lava light in each room, a circa-'70s screening room where only the coolest of the cool get invited over to watch Rust Never Sleeps, I Am Trying To Break Your Heart, Year Of The Horse and the Tom Waits Big Time movie on a big screen, ashtrays in each room, stereos in each room, there's an annual Zaireeka listening party, and in the president's office hangs a giant poster of Jake Brown with a halo above his head."

They also keep Loftus locked in the basement like Boo Radley.

In accordance with The Patriot Act.

Jake
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Post by Jake »

Mixmaster Shecky wrote:In the window, we can just see the reclusive Jake Brown in one of his many Musketeer-vampire costumes.
Damn, I thought my love of capes was a well-kept secret. Curse you, Google Earth!

Re: wings of the HQ
There's also the advertising wing, which we keep sealed off from the editorial wings, of course. Unfortunately, we sealed them up and forgot to give them a way to get fresh food and water, so they all died. We can dimly hear the phone ringing off the hooks from advertisers desperate to sponsor GLONO, but there's no one alive to answer the phone...

At this rate we'll run out of money in approximately February of 2011. Plan accordingly.

D. Phillips
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Post by D. Phillips »

I am not confirming nor am I denying this IS the GLONO HQ, but if it was we'd have spent most of the $214 GLONO Records made on cement tubes and Yesterdogs flown in by special courier:
Image

But the point is that none of you should ever--EVER--try to find our lair. Ask anyone who has stumbled acorss our path...oh wait, you can't. We chopped their feet off and held them prisoner to hobble around the office and keep us stinky with Pimm's Cups and vitamin B shots. This is no country for shit finger stink and you should all be thankful for that.

Beat it.

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