Funny Moments In Christianity

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worpswede
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Funny Moments In Christianity

Postby worpswede » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:24 pm

Back in my old hometown, we had a low wattage Christian television station that provided everyone in the area with local and original programming.
True story: one of the hosts of the shows was a bat shit crazy right-to-lifer that once wrote a letter to my Father to inform him that he had a "demon" inside of him and that I was on drugs.
Another true story: my handle of "worpswede" was to be the name of the last band I considered. Strangely enough, I couldn't find anyone who could see the brilliance in playing one-chord songs for extended periods. If you're familiar with Spacemen 3's Dreamweapon album, it was a complete lift of that idea.
Finding like-minded musicians in a town of 12,000 residents willing to play one chord for 45 minutes straight proved to be difficult, so I came up with the idea of taking "Worpswede" in a different direction. I thought it would be great to approach the Christian television station under the pretense that the band was a legitimate Christian rock band. Please understand that the level of talent on our local Christian channel was so God-awful (pun intended) that we were sure to get booked and that most of their programming was live without any form of tape delay. This caused many hilariously unintentional moments that I would frequently tape and revel in.
As soon as I got Worpswede booked on a program, we would offer a tender rendition of "Oh Happy Day" as our debut appearance. This idea was a lift of Spiritualized cover of that song because, I should probably warn you, I'm a piss drinking Spacemen 3/Spiritualized fan boy. Anyway, about two minutes into the song, we would then unleash a feedback-induced section that tested the limits of the station's audio capabilities and the show's "producers." We would play until we were forcibly removed from the premises or until the volunteers working in the master control room took us off the air. Of course, we would have the entire incident taped and we would use this tape and story as a way to get our name out. After all, one of the most important things when starting a rock n roll band is to have a story.
Strangely, this idea was met with more reluctance than playing one chord songs.
Worpswede the band died right around the same time I moved to a "hipper" town where I found that most available musicians merely wanted to start bands that sounded like Thin Lizzy. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm a believer that if you start a band that sounds like Thin Lizzy that one of the members has to be either Irish or black.
Then I started posting stuff here under the "worpswede" moniker for several years before I got mad at Sven and began a self-imposed exile from the boards.
I'm briefly breaking this exile to start this thread and to offer this to Sven:
"I love what you've done around here."
This thread is where you post your funny stories about religion and, if the opportunity strikes, funny fucking religious videos.
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Sven Killer Robot Spacema
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Postby Sven Killer Robot Spacema » Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:49 pm

I love TRUTH written in huge letters on the moog.
That video is so funny I couldn't even laugh.
I was paralyzed by it.

Your story reminds me of the South Park episode where Cartman starts a contemporary Christian group just to make money.

The renewed life is the key to the Christ in me.
That's not easy to say fast over and over again.
I hope someone doesn't walk in on me singing it tomorrow at work.

worpswede
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Postby worpswede » Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:18 pm

I have a tape somewhere of nothing but recordings from that old low wattage station and another one from Quincy, Illinoise. The Quincy station was much more professional; they even carried the good shit like Jerry Falwell, Jan Crouch and my favorite Robert Tilton. Since I no longer can tape those shows from my hometown, I must rely on You Tube to keep up to date on the finer moments of Christian broadcasting.
<object><param></param><param></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7-NOZU2iPA8&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="325"></embed></object>

Lep
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Postby Lep » Fri Sep 12, 2008 9:57 am

Classics: Some have probably been on GloNo before:

<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tTYr3JuueF4&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed>

<img width="600" src="http://www.planetdan.net/junk/blessitt/2.jpg">

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgKCu2oHeRY" title="Youtube link"><img src="http://perryleopard.free.fr/2006/08/thatguywasahomo.jpg" alt="Pat Robertson on Larry King's show" border="0"></a>

Erica C.
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Postby Erica C. » Fri Sep 12, 2008 11:57 am

Lest we forget... the deadly Stryper.


<a href="http://s209.photobucket.com/albums/bb228/josephine_311/?action=view&current=stryper.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb228/josephine_311/stryper.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

Redbeard
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Re: Funny Moments In Christianity

Postby Redbeard » Fri Sep 12, 2008 12:19 pm

worpswede wrote:I got mad at Sven and began a self-imposed exile from the boards.]


I ain't been here long but it seems to me Worpswede and Sven are likw two old bitties. One day they're going to the early bird boofay together.. the next they ain't talkin' cuz one of 'em bought the wrong kind of hard candies. I'm gonna send my sister-in-law Trudy The Good Nurse out to see you fellas to give you each a nice enema. That'll straighten you fellers out. RIDE FREE OR DIE MOTHERFUCKERS!

jonas
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Postby jonas » Fri Sep 12, 2008 12:25 pm

No discussion of fringe Christianity is complete without Dr. Gene Scott! I tried to find one of his rants about numerology and the pyramids, but to no avail.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3cc6qRf ... re=related

steve-o
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Postby steve-o » Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:44 pm

Still my favorite:
<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/16YGYVEuWRs&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344">

Probably NSFW, by the way.

worpswede
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Re: Funny Moments In Christianity

Postby worpswede » Sat Sep 13, 2008 12:13 pm

Redbeard wrote: One day they're going to the early bird boofay together.. the next they ain't talkin' cuz one of 'em bought the wrong kind of hard candies.

It's the other way around. I could give a rat's ass about the candies; those are for the grandkids and other guests to enjoy when they come over to talk about the Book of Mormon.
The real fireworks begin after church on Sunday. Sven is insistent that we always go to Bonanza while I like to mix it up and go to the Chinese buffet every now and then. It's the only time I can get sushi, and Sven says the only time he likes raw fish is when he's going down on me.

Sven Killer Robot Spacema
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Re: Funny Moments In Christianity

Postby Sven Killer Robot Spacema » Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:10 pm

worpswede wrote: It's the only time I can get sushi, .


Where I come from we call that "bait."


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