What if the worst happens tonight?

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Little Timmy
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What if the worst happens tonight?

Postby Little Timmy » Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:18 pm

I had to share this. Commentary at http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/04/senate.races.results/index.html

Dear Red States:


If you manage to steal this election too we've decided
we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you
aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and
all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial
to the nation, and especially to the people of the new
country of New California.


To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the
slave
states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We
get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the
red states pay their fair share.


Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy
families. You get a bunch of single moms.


Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice
and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens
back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask
your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently
willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they
don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success
in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not
willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.


With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of
80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit,
95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90%
of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans
(thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister
schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.


With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to
cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected
health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100%
of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University
of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.


Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah
was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is
sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death
penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a
theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you
crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals
then we lefties.


Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have
that dirt weed they grow in Mexico


Peace out,
--Blue States less

LionIndex
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Postby LionIndex » Tue Nov 04, 2008 5:19 pm

That could have been written, and probably would have made more sense, four years ago. But, the quote does sell the Jesusland states a little short on education -- they do have Duke, UVa, and Wake Forest, although Virginia and North Carolina may go for Obama this time around. And Southern California has its fair share of televangelists.

And if there were such a division, I would at least like to petition to have Austin form some sort of West Berlin-type island in the middle of occupied territory.

Jake
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Location: Michigan

Postby Jake » Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:36 pm

LionIndex wrote:That could have been written, and probably would have made more sense, four years ago.

It was.

The good guys gets Colorado, Nevada, and New Mexico this year! And Iowa, thanks to the historic efforts of worpswede.

miss carol
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Postby miss carol » Tue Nov 04, 2008 8:17 pm

I'm flipping between NBC, CBC, and BBC and just saw the crowds in Chicago. It's going to go nuts either way!

Nice opening page, Jake :)

Sugarcubes Forever
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Postby Sugarcubes Forever » Wed Nov 05, 2008 12:15 am

Looks like the Medical Marijuana proposal and the Stem Cell research proposal are both going to pass here in Michigan. Looks like Obama took 60% of the vote, and the republitards have been thrown out of office all over the state!

hebrew hammer
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Postby hebrew hammer » Wed Nov 05, 2008 8:52 pm

Prop 2! Massachusetts passed a law that will decriminalize weed. It's a step in the right direction.

Sugarcubes Forever
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Postby Sugarcubes Forever » Thu Nov 06, 2008 7:52 am

Unfortunately, voters in California chose hate. Prop 8 passed and for the first time that I can remember, people will have their legal rights stripped from them.

Several other states as well passed laws persecuting gays and lesbians.

There's fresh air blowing toward Washington, but there's still a lot of bad shit in the water all over the USA. There's a lot of work still to do.

D. Phillips
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Postby D. Phillips » Thu Nov 06, 2008 3:14 pm

Sugarcubes Forever wrote:Unfortunately, voters in California chose hate. Prop 8 passed and for the first time that I can remember, people will have their legal rights stripped from them.

Several other states as well passed laws persecuting gays and lesbians.

There's fresh air blowing toward Washington, but there's still a lot of bad shit in the water all over the USA. There's a lot of work still to do.


How do we clear the air of mixed metaphors?

Dreamin
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Postby Dreamin » Thu Nov 06, 2008 4:32 pm

The real problem is that marriage equality is a human rights issue, and you don't vote on human rights.

DJMurphy
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Postby DJMurphy » Thu Nov 06, 2008 4:59 pm

Dreamin wrote:The real problem is that marriage equality is a human rights issue, and you don't vote on human rights.

I completely agree with you; the problem is that too many Christian denominations have found insidious ways to legitimize bigotry and prejudice. One tiny little line in Leviticus, and BOOM! It's okay to be a gay-basher!! Wow, I love how selective Biblical interpretation works!! Until all people know that "Love thy neighbor as yourself" means EVERONE, we're gonna have more Prop 8's that need to be voted down and overturned.


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