Less Obscure Obits

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Sven Killer Robot Spacema
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Less Obscure Obits

Postby Sven Killer Robot Spacema » Sun Dec 27, 2009 10:08 pm

MORE DADGUM FART JOKES!

quasarwutwut
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Postby quasarwutwut » Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:50 pm

From my Childhood Archives, attempted to be told as I would have when I was 6:

"A powerful Indian Chief has a bad tummy ache. His wife says, "Big Chief, you should go see the doctor!" So he does! He goes to the Medicine Man.

The Medicine Man says, "Hi Big Chief! You've got a tummy ache? Maybe you need to fart! Take these two pills that will make you fart and come see me in the morning." So Big Chief takes them.

He goes home and doesn't fart, and his tummy still hurts.

So he goes to the Medicine Man the next day. And he tells him, "Big Chief: no fart." The Medicine Man says, "here, take these bigger pills." So Big Chief takes them.

The next day he goes back to the Medicine Man, and he says "Big Chief: no fart!". The Medicine Man scratches his head and says, "Oh no! Well you better take the biggest pills I have!" So Big Chief takes those and leaves.

The next morning his wife comes to see the Medicine Man. He says, "Is he all better?" And she says, "Big fart: no Chief!""



People say to me, "Have you always been a comedic genius?" And I say, "You know those Big Chief jokes that everyone thinks are so amazing now? I was doing that shit back in 1980." And then I nod knowingly.

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Postby Baltimucho » Mon Dec 28, 2009 4:58 pm

Swiped from elsewhere on the Internet, it's an oldie but a goodie:

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing...."

Sven Killer Robot Spacema
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Postby Sven Killer Robot Spacema » Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:00 pm

them two are funny I don't care who ya are!

Mixmaster Shecky
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Postby Mixmaster Shecky » Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:34 pm

Back when I was a would-be cartoonist, I did a bunch of comix that always ended with the punchline of 'I shit my pants'.

Example: a business guy goes through his morning routine of shaving, coffee, paper, etc. Then he kisses his wife goodbye and leaves. A couple of minutes later, he slinks back to the doorway in shame. His wife goes, 'Honey, what's wrong? Why aren't you on your way to work?'. Then the guy delivers the punchline.

I contend pants-shitting is always funnier than farting.

Sven Killer Robot Spacema
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Postby Sven Killer Robot Spacema » Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:44 pm

Mixmaster Shecky wrote:I contend pants-shitting is always funnier than farting.


I'm a big shit-the-pants fan. I also like to refer to shitting my pants as
"I think I just nice-niced myself."

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Postby quasarwutwut » Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:54 pm

Mixmaster Shecky wrote:I contend pants-shitting is always funnier than farting.

Agreed, so long as we maintain that farts are always funny. Shitting is funnier, but farts are always funny. Or, if you disagree, I believe we may come to a compromise. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, may I present to you: the Shart. And I think you know what I'm talking about.


And yes, I'm a grown man in my mid-to-late-30s.

Mixmaster Shecky
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Postby Mixmaster Shecky » Tue Dec 29, 2009 1:40 am

quasarwutwut wrote:Agreed, so long as we maintain that farts are always funny. Shitting is funnier, but farts are always funny. Or, if you disagree, I believe we may come to a compromise. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, may I present to you: the Shart. And I think you know what I'm talking about.


And yes, I'm a grown man in my mid-to-late-30s.


The funniest of all is the fart that turns unexpectedly to shit. Years ago, me and a buddy use to play the Fart Game on each other. One night, after pounding down too much Strohs he tried to fart in my face as I was laying on the couch.

To this day, we call it the 'blorch' fart because that is the exact sound it made.
Bonus: he was wearing ski pants.

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Postby DJMurphy » Tue Dec 29, 2009 11:07 am

Mixmaster Shecky wrote:The funniest of all is the fart that turns unexpectedly to shit.


Thus... the shart. Or as I call 'em, bonus farts.

Sven Killer Robot Spacema
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Postby Sven Killer Robot Spacema » Tue Dec 29, 2009 11:53 am

Mixmaster Shecky wrote:Back when I was a would-be cartoonist,.


My friend had a cartoon book he brought back from England many years ago. It was called "Johnny and His Unfeasibly Large Testicles." It was about this guy named Johnny and his struggles with his unfeasibly large testicles. Ya familiar with that one Sheck? For obvious reasons I don't want to google anything with "unfeasibly large testicles" in it.


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